i missed you so much it made everything feel kind of off, like the days were running weird without you in them. not even in ahuge dramatic way, but in this quiet and slow, background sort of way where everything just felt a little wrong. like waking up and realising your favourite stuffed animal isn’t where you left it or forgetting what you were about to say mid-sentence and it bugs you for hours. i kept refreshing my messages like it would make a difference. just opening our chat, reading the last thing you sent, closing it, and doing it again 10 minutes later. i knew you were busy, i knew, and i didn’t want to be annoying or clingy, so i tried to play it cool. but it was like this constant ache in my chest, soft but very there. i’d go to say something, something small like asking if you wanted to do something or “i thought of you when this song came on” and then remember you weren’t able to be around and it would just sit in my throat, unspoken. like a message halfway typed and never sent. and that just kept happening, over and over, until i realised how deeply i rely on you being here, even in tiny ways.

and it wasn’t just that i missed talking to you, it’s that everything is better with you in it. food tastes better when i’ve told you about my day, musicsounds better when i know you’re listening with me. it’s like the world feels flatter when i can’t share it with you. i kept trying to distract myself—playing games, watching stuff, scrolling endlessly—but nothing really stuck. i was just kind of floating through the hours, half-focused, waiting for the little spark of dopamine that only really happens when your name lights up my screen. that sounds so cheesy when i say it out loud but it’s true. you being around; talking to me, joking, being your usual stupid self, it shifts everything for me. you balance me out in a way i didn’t even know i needed until it wasn’t there. and when it’s missing, i notice it like all the way down to my bones.

its like my body let out a breath i didn’t know i was holding just being able to sit here and watch this show with you. even though it is terribly laggy and out of sync, i just am sitting here like, finally!!!. i can relax again. the glitch in the day had been fixed. it’s crazy how quickly you became that person for me, like this anchor without even trying. and i think about that a lot. how i’m not just into you; i’m in love with you. like, terrifyingly so. in the “i didn’t mean to fall this hard but here i am and i wouldn’t change it for the world” kind of way. it’s not just romantic feelings or a cute little crush. it’s this real, huge, consuming love that sits in my chest and stretches every time i think about you. and when you’re not here it just aches. not in a way where i’m mad or upset or anything. just in a way where i miss you. like my favourite person's been ripped away from me and everything’s a little too quiet.

i’m not saying i need constant attention or 24/7 conversations or anything like that. i just..,.,., love you. in this really big way that makes me feel like i’m glowing and screaming at the same time. you’ve become this part of my life that i carry with me all the time, even when you’re not there. i miss you the way you miss your favourite part of a song when someone talks over it. the way you miss the warmth of a blanket after getting up too quickly. it’s little things and now that you’re back, even just a little, i feel better. more like myself. more like the version of me that’s in love and happy and full of light because of you. and i really just want you to know that. not to make you feel bad, but because you’re so loved. so, so loved

i get this urge to tell everyone about you. like oh hey, by the way, the most ethereal, serene girl alive loves me. like ME. how insane is that? i could scream. i do scream. i scream and kick my feet in the air and blush. you are the definition of breath taking, like when you do or say anything to me, i forget how to form words. my brain just gives up and decides to flood me with a hundred butterflies and zero vocabulary. it’s humiliating and embarrassing sometimes. but i love it. i love you.

i love you in the kind of way that makes everything else feel boring. i want to tell you i love you every ten seconds just to release some of the pressure building in my chest from holding it in too long. i kick my feet, i literally cover my face and squeal into my hands like i’m in some sort of romantic meltdown. i love you so much i feel like i’m glowing and combusting at the same time.

you make me feel like there are hummingbirds living in my chest. like my ribcage was just a container for the thousand feelings you unlocked the second you entered my life. i think about you and suddenly my entire internal monologue turns into sparkles and exclamation points. everything you do is painfully adorable. painfully. you could blink too fast and i’d be on the floor like “did you see that? she’s unreal.” and it’s not just how gorgeous you are (which dony even get me started on that)—it’s everything. the way you talk, the way you type, the way your little habits slip through when you’re comfortable. the softness in your voice when you call me mommy. the way your laugh makes everything feel right even when the world feels like it’s on fire. you’re like a balm for my soul and a storm in my chest at the same time. you’re comfort and chaos and magic and safety all wrapped into one perfect person and i don’t know how to deal with that.

you’ve turned me into the softest version of myself. i didn’t know i had this many emotions. i didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much and still want to keep loving them more. every time i think “okay this is the peak, i can’t possibly love her more than this” you do anything, like say something sweet or laugh or send a cute photo, and i explode again. i’m constantly levelling up in love. like a video game where every time i blink, i unlock a new achievement.

i am a willing victim of your stupidly soft, sweet love. i want to hold your face in my hands and just stare at you until my brain stops making any actual thoughts and turns into static that sounds like “oh my god she’s so pretty oh my god she’s so precious oh my god i’m so doomed” it’s like your existence permanently rewired my emotions. you walk into my mind and everything goes soft and sparkly like a snow globe someone shook too hard. you’re not even here and i can feel your presence like static under my skin. like my body is trying to tune into your frequency and it’s making my bones rattle.

sometimes i stare at your messages for so long i forget how reading works. just sitting there like a loser rereading “i love you” like it’s sacred scripture. it is sacred. you could send me a single emoji and i’d study it like it’s ancient poetry. did she mean it? did she mean it that much? i’m not even in love with you like 'flowers and sunshine' i’m in love with you like 'i’m going to crawl inside the walls and scream'. you make me want to throw my phone across the room and then pick it up and kiss the screen, you make me want to take a running start and jump into your arms and cling to you until you peel me off. you don’t even understand just how obsessed with you i am.

i don’t just want to kiss you, i want to memorise the sound of your heart, i want to crawl inside your skin and never leave, like i’m made of shadows and you’re my only light, i want to wrap myself around your bones like ivy and grow there forever, i want to breathe you in so deep that you become part of my blood, i want to be so close that your breath is mine and mine is yours

i’ve been back for a bit now just listening to her play guitar and it’s silly how calm and chaotic it makes me feel all at once, like i’m lying in a field of flowers during a meteor shower. every note feels like it’s stitching something inside me back together with golden thread—messy and imperfect and lovely, in the way only things you care too much about can be. she strums and it’s like my ribs are made of glass, and the sound just melts right through them, like she’s tuning the strings of my spine without even trying. her voice tangles in my thoughts like wind caught in tree branches, and her laugh clings to the walls of my head like sunlight that never quite goes away. sometimes i think she doesn’t even realise what she does to me. loving her feels like someone turned the gravity up, but only around her — like i’m anchored to this world just because she’s in it. it’s hard to explain what she means to me without sounding like i’ve eaten a full bag of sugar and then tried to write poetry at 4am, but every part of me knows her. like my bones already had her name carved into them before i ever learned how to spell it.

being in love with her feels like laughing so hard you go silent, like all the air in your lungs turns into stardust and she’s the only one who knows how to breathe it back into you. my heart tries to write a novel in a language it doesn’t know, just hoping she’ll read it anyway. when i think about her, it’s like my chest becomes a tiny little house filled with fairy lights, and she’s sitting there in the middle of it, glowing whilst i’m standing outside in the rain with flowers, trying to figure out how to deserve to come in. she’s this quiet kind of magic, not the kind that shouts with glitter and grand entrances, but the kind that makes you cry over a sunset without knowing why. she’s the softest thought in the middle of a loud day, the pause between heartbeats that reminds you you’re still alive. she makes me want to be softer, better, quieter in all the right ways. the world feels a little more worth it just because she’s in it, like it borrowed some of her light and left it on my windowsill without telling me.

i don’t know how to say this without sounding dramatic or ridiculous, but if my soul had a favourite colour, it would be the shade of pink her cheeks are as she's reading this. she’s not just important to me; she’s the string holding the entire universe together in my head. i’d tie that string around my pinky and never, ever let go. she’s the kind of beautiful that makes everything tilt slightly, like something sacred just entered the room and everyone forgot how to breathe. when i think of her, the world glows warmer. even the stars would move over to make space for her. i’d write her name in the frost on every window and watch it melt into morning. i love her so much it feels like a song that never ends; it just keeps playing softly in the background of everything i do except she's the one playing the song

hi baby hi hiiii i don’t even know what's compelling me to write this, i guess it's just because i’ve just been thinking about you so much. literally every day, all the time, in between things and during things and even in dreams !!! it’s wild and lovely how much i adore you, it keeps catching me off guard, like, wow i have the sweetest, cutest, most precious girlfriend ever, and she makes everything feel better ?! insane. i just want to squeeze your face gently and kiss your nose and make you laugh and tell you about weird little thoughts i have.
i love talking to you so much. i don’t think i could ever get tired of hearing your voice, reading your messages, just being around you. even when we’re not saying much, i still feel in sync with you. i can just exist with you and not feel pressure to be entertaining or put together or anything. i just get to be me, and you get to be you and that’s more than enough. it’s rare and special, and i hope you know how deeply i feel it. i feel so safe with you. really, truly safe. you make me feel fuzzy and soft and understood in a way nothing else really does.
i love showing you things., whether it's old songs i used to listen to, or a dumb funny thing that made me laugh too hard, or a weird fact i randomly remembered, and other times it’s something messier. something embarrassing or personal or hard to say out loud. i find myself telling you things i usually keep hidden, little secrets or stories or painful parts of me i don’t talk about much. and i don’t always know why it’s so easy with you, but it is. it feels natural and safe. i want to give you pieces of my mind, even the weird or bad ones because you don't make me feel weird for having them. i just think "maybe she’d want to see this part of me too. maybe she’ll understand" and you always do. it makes me feel closer to you and like our relationship is really Real, you know? like i’m not just letting you into the fun parts of my head, but the quiet and complicated ones too.

i promise to love you forever, more than anything and everything. no matter what happens. everything i look upon reminds me of you, your calming sweet voice, and your cute laugh, your pretty blue eyes; anything reminds me of you in someway, somehow. you are so mesmerising, nothing comes near comparable to you. you make me feel so safe, like my soul is at peace, and i'm valid and i belong. your presence brings me the most comfort ever, i love you. i hope i can find you in every lifetime because i think you are my person, my soulmate !!
i cant wait until you're always there by my side, and im always there by yours. when i think about you, my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul all get so happy. i get so happy to just hear you, or to do something with you. your silence, your voice, your laugh; all are the most beautiful, calming, and joyous things i've ever heard. i love listening to you talk about anything, no matter what it is. i love listening to your interests or honestly just anything that comes out of your mouth. everytime i hear your voice it's like listening to a new favourite song for the first time. no matter how many times now that i've heard you speak, laugh, giggle, whisper, i don't think i could ever get tired of it or you.
Meeting you has probably been one of the best times in my life. you've showed me something different, something i've never felt before. i got used to being treated like i wasn't really wanted, like i was just nice to have around. then i found you, and for the first time in my life, i genuinely feel like i belong. you make me feel so appreciated, worth taking up space in this world, you make me feel important. and although it still happens, i don't find myself doubting things or overthinking as much; i think you're helping me start to believe that i deserve to be treated with love and respect, and i'll never be able to thank you enough.
you're the only person who, i think, has ever actually tried to understand me, you're there for my problems and do your best to comfort me with them, or at most, help me as much as you possibly can, and i will always love you so much for that. i'm the most grateful person alive just for having the opportunity to have you in my life. you're so precious, and so important to me. you're so refreshing to be around, you've already brightened up my life a lot already. i appreciate, and love you for you. you make me feel sane, and i feel like i can tell you anything. and i love that you can make me feel that way. every time you tell me anything about yourself it gets wired into my brain, i love learning about you.
i want you to know how truly happy and thankful i am for every little thing you do for me. the amount of love i have for you is something you will never be able to comprehend, but please know you are the person i have and will always love the most. you are the most important person to me. i know my time spent with you hasn't been very long, but thank you for letting me become such a big part of your life and i hope i never leave it

— kasha :-)

honestly i've been sat here trying to put how i feel into words and i don’t even know why bc nothings ever gonna do it properly but whatever i’m doing it anyway
you’re everything to me. you’re absolutely everywhere in my life now. i don’t even realise it half the time until i catch myself doing it. i’ll be walking somewhere or lying in bed staring at the ceiling or just listening to music or even just breathing and somehow it’s you. you’re in everything now. every little thing. it’s actually insane. it’s like you’re stitched into everything. i’ll hear a song that’s not even about love and somehow it still reminds me of you. i’ll see some random little thing like a weird shaped cloud or a cat sitting on a fence and i’m like yeah she’d think that’s funny. i’ll be staring at the moon and wondering if you’re looking at it too. it’s like my brain has just decided everything beautiful or funny or even slightly soft belongs to you now. i’ll be brushing my teeth or staring at the ceiling or making food and suddenly there you are again, in my head, like you live there full time rent free

and it’s not just the nice stuff either. even when things feel heavy or hard you’re still there in my head, like this soft little reminder that not everything is terrible. like i could be having the worst day ever and still somewhere in the back of my mind it’s like yeah but she loves me. and it makes it bearable in a way nothing else ever has. you're this quiet reminder that no matter how bad it feels right now, i’ve still got you. and that’s everything. you’re the thing that makes the ugly parts of life feel survivable. you don’t even know how much you’ve changed things for me just by existing
i don’t even know when it happened. like when did you become so much a part of me i can’t separate it anymore? i can’t remember what it felt like before you. i think i was probably getting through life okay but i wasn’t really living. everything felt flat. and i didn’t even realise it til you came and put colour back into everything

i love you in this way that feels so big sometimes it’s a bit scary. like it’s bigger than me. it’s not just something i feel it’s something i am. i am made of love for you now. it’s in my blood, it’s in my bones, it’s in the air i breathe. i don’t even know how else to explain it. you’re not something outside of me anymore. you’re part of me now and i don’t ever want that to change. i know it’s surreal bc we’ve not even met yet, not properly. but i swear it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t feel like it matters. you feel closer to me than all the people i’ve known my whole life. you feel like home. you are home. and when i think about actually getting to see you, getting to be with you, it’s almost too much to even think about. like my chest physically hurts in the best way whenever i picture it

sometimes i sit and just think about everything we haven’t even done yet. all the moments waiting for us. holding hands for the first time, hearing your laugh in real life, falling asleep next to you, waking up and seeing your face first thing in the morning, just sitting in a room together doing absolutely nothing, and it’s all so simple but it’s all i want. i imagine the stupidest things sometimes, like standing in a queue with you at a shop, or sitting next to you on a train, or watching some dumb show in bed and falling asleep halfway through, or you stealing my hoodie and me pretending to be annoyed but actually loving it. you lying next to me, half awake, hair messy, voice all soft and tired. you laughing at some dumb joke i make and me just staring at you bc you’re literally the prettiest thing i’ve ever seen. i don’t need big fancy things. i just need you